The blessings of true friendship

We’ve been looking at friendships the last few days. Things to look for in a friend. Things to avoid in looking for a friend. Pitfalls to avoid in friendships. I have a final word for you this morning: the blessings enjoyed in friendship. When you find a true friend, someone you can let close to you and with whom you feel comfortable opening your heart, someone you can trust with yourself and whose wisdom, input, and opinion you trust, there are some real blessings in such a friendship. 

The first blessing is having someone who can honestly analyze and criticize you. Pr 27.5-6 says “Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy.” It’s a real blessing to have a friend who will lovingly and candidly tell us what we may not want to hear but need to hear. Hidden love that deceives and represses necessary truth is morally useless; but the wounds of a friend are faithful because they offer us sincere, reliable, trustworthy advice. When an enemy criticizes, he wounds to destroy; but when a friend criticizes, he wounds to heal. He brings short-term pain in order to bring long-term healing. This is the best and most difficult office of Christian friendship. Be encouraged by Pr 28.23 to be such a friend. You’ll be more appreciated in the end than a flatterer, whose words only lead a man to ruin.

The second blessing is having someone who can offer you helpful counsel. Pr 27.9 says, “Oil and perfume make the heart glad, and the sweetness of a friend comes from his earnest counsel.” A friend’s counsel is helpful and gladdening for two reasons: 1) he has our best interest in mind, and 2) it arises out of familiarity with us, our motivations, our aims, our character. A friend who really knows us is less likely to read into things, less likely to misunderstand our actions or misjudge our motives. A friend who’s close to us is able to judge what he sees and hears within the larger context of our whole character. He’ll know when we’ve slipped and not judge our whole character by a single fault. So a friend’s counsel is both sweet and helpful to us because he has the whole picture in mind.

The third blessing is having someone who’s loyal. Pr 20.6 says, “Many a man proclaims his own steadfast love, but a faithful man who can find?” This is an invaluable trait. A true friend will stick beside you against all pressure to the contrary. He’ll be there when others have left. He’ll still be standing beside you when others have given up on you. He’ll be there all the same when you’re broke and hurting as he was when you were rich and well. His friendship and commitment to you was never based on anything external; it was always based on who you were. So after the dust settles and the flood waters recede and so many have abandoned you, a true friend is still there to help clean up. And when you’ve made a mess of yourself and the pickle you’re in is your own fault and you’ve hurt everyone–including your friend, he’ll forbear with you, forgive you, and help you back up. Loyalty is one of the greatest blessings of friendship.

The fourth blessing is having someone with whom you can enjoy mutual refinement. Pr 27.17 says, “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.” It’s noteworthy that God’s first “not good” was man’s solitude (Gen 2.18). It was an underscoring of the importance of society in general and marriage in particular. We need to realize that books, CDs, videos, or MP3s will not and cannot do what God intends to be done by face-to-face personal relationships. But not just any relationship will do. We must interact with godly friends and those who are growing in Christ. Those who don’t seek God, His glory, or godliness, will dull and harm us, 1Cor 15.33. We need to befriend people who will complement and challenge our weak areas and help us to grow as God intends. The Bible therefore calls us to being actively involved in the Body of Christ, Heb 10.24-25; 13.17, in which we’ll find true friends.

Let me end these posts on friendship by saying the obvious: no one can perfectly fulfill the demands of true friendship. Even the best of friends will yet prove to be a sinner. Even a spouse, who is surely the best of friends, will yet fail you. But not Jesus.

Jesus alone is the true and best Friend. It is Jesus who so loves at all times that He died to redeem us when we were enemies of God, Rom 5.6-9. It is Jesus who sticks by us with such indestructible loyalty that absolutely nothing can ever separate us from His love, Rom 8.35-39. Jesus is the faithful and true witness, Rev 1.5, whose words to us are spirit and life, Jn 6.63, and who reproves and disciplines us out of love, Rev 3.19. None is more committed to our good than He, none more loyal, none more truthful, none more present in difficult times. Even if we sin, He is our Advocate before God, 1Jn 2.1; He even calls us and helps us to repent, Rev 3.19.

The friendship we should cultivate above all others is our friendship with Jesus Christ. Not only will this help us become the kind of friend we’re called to be, and attract the kind of friends we need, but it’ll help us weather the inevitable failures among our fellow sinners as well as deal with our own frequent failures as a friend.

Therefore never look for that friendship in another which can only be found in Jesus; and never be surprised when the failure of a friend reminds you that he’s not Jesus–it’s the Father’s loving way of drawing you nearer to Jesus, the true Friend and Saviour of sinners. Is He your Friend (Jn 15.13-15)?

God bless you. Have a great Lord’s Day!

Dr. J