A good friend is a rare treasure. There are some people we’re sure are trusted and dependable friends; but trouble comes and they abandon us. And there are others of whom we’re unsure who, in trouble, prove to be true to us. So what should we look for and avoid in making friends?
There are three characteristics we should seek and cherish in friends. The first is a fear of God. According to Proverbs 14.2, a man who fears the Lord will walk in uprightness. He’ll walk in a way that honors God and shows sincere love to his neighbor. His concern is to live before the face of God without blame. His desire in his relationships will ultimately be to please God. This means he’ll do right by you, he won’t wrong you, he won’t take advantage of you, he’ll love you and do unto you as he’d have you do unto him. Such a man will make a true friend indeed. Do you fear God above all else? Are your friends blessed by your God-fearing friendship?
The second characteristic is loyalty. True friendship is a promise of sincere loyalty. Proverbs 20.6 laments, “Many a man proclaims his own steadfast love, but a faithful man who can find?” It’s easy for a man to promise his loyalty to you, to promise that he’ll never let you down, that he’ll always be there–through thick and thin; but how many of us have found such a friend? Don’t look for a man who publishes his own praise and rates himself; instead, look for a man whose praise is published by his deeds and whose words claim no more for himself than what he actually is. In other words, look for a man who speaks honestly about himself and whose loyalty is proven out by his deeds. This is the person who’ll prove to be a loyal friend: the person who knows and speaks the truth about himself. When trouble comes and our hollow friends forsake us, this man will act the part of a brother and show himself faithful (Pr 17.17). Can you think of a friend who’s proved to be loyal? Have you been a loyal friend who stuck closer than a brother?
The third characteristic is honesty. Proverbs 14.5 says, “A faithful witness does not lie, but a false witness breathes out lies;” and 27.5-6 says, “Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Faithful are the wounds of a friend.” Truth to tell, we’re not always walking in the light. We’re sinners who often step out of the path and get entangled in sin. That means there are going to be times when we’re walking in the path of danger. What we really need at that moment is a true friend, a friend who loves us and will tell us what we need to hear. We need a friend who’ll wound us to our profit, a friend whose faithfulness and integrity will enable him to play the part of a surgeon whose sharp and painful incision is the means to our healing. We need a faithful reprover. A word of advice: if you want friends who feel free to correct you, then you should make it easy for them by being open to rebuke. Ask yourself, “Do my friends find rebuking me to be a low-stress experience, or even a rewarding experience? Or would they rather wrestle a hungry lion?” Friends are to be loved chiefly on account of the pleasure they give us. Their integrity and faithfulness should be more precious to us than the pleasure we find in them. What kind of friend are you? Do you flatter your friends with lies because you love yourself, or do you speak the truth to them because you love them?
Pray for the blessing of true friends–for they are rare; and pray for the grace to be the true friend for whom others are looking.
**Check back tomorrow for four characteristics we should beware of and avoid in making friends.
